General Forums >> Sex & Relationships >> One Sided Flirting
One Sided Flirting
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Posted 4 months ago How do you deal with unreciprocated advances? Specifically those that muddy the waters at work, or networking? Also, how does it make you feel? For example, a mentor who crosses to the flirtation zone? Korina Anja |
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| Posted 3 months ago You sit the person down and you tell that person, I am here for one reason only and flirting is not it. Tell that person that the flirting needs to stop. You can not expect for that person to know that he is doing something wrong if you do not tell them. he might think it is not a problem. Fiction is what people are living, but reality is what people need. |
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| Posted 3 months ago I'm good at being "dense" in picking up flirtation cues that others are sending. I just keep talking business and steering the conversation back to business (such as asking for advice on a project), and they either talk business, too, or give it up as a lost cause. This isn't the direct approach, but I've been able to maintain the relationships on a professional level. I've also learned to be very careful with whom I talk about my personal life, because sometimes that is misread to mean that we can have a personal or flirtatious relationship, when that wasn't what I meant at all. Jane G. Chambers
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| Posted 3 months ago
As a college student, I babysat for a professional couple who had two children. I worked for them for several years. The father was a psychologist who offered to give me some guidance when I decided to change my major. We went to a coffee cafe to talk, and the guy hit on me. I found his offer repugnant and lost all respect for him as a father and a husband. Perhaps I was naive, but the purpose of the talk was scholarship not sexual. I had a steady boyfriend and no interest in a married man. My feet could not move any faster to get out of the cafe.
I severed ties with the family because I could not trust the actions of the father. I was devastated that a man who was respected in the community would come on to me. I felt sorry for his wife, a truly wonderful woman. When she called to ask me to baby sit again, I lied and said that I was too busy with school. The moral part of me wanted to spill the beans about her husband's lack of faithfulness, but I decided she would find out on her own.
Donna Life is short. Embrace your friends and family with love. |
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| Posted 3 months ago swb10two says ...
Now, I do this... I purposely ignore a comment if it's overly flirtatious or embarrassing and go on as if they didn't say/do it. But, you have to be careful - if you let things slide in this way it can get out of hand - even though you're not encouraging it. I have been lucky enough that this has always worked well for me. "Your absence has gone through me, Like thread through a needle. Everything I do is stitched with its color." ~William S. Merwin
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| Posted 3 months ago I have been told that my natural flirtiness has been the cause of many such things. I do not do it on purpose, I am just a very good natured person and tell people a thing or two to make them feel better about life or themselves as part of a way to make the area around me less boring. Alas, I don't realise I've accidently given someone the idea of something more until they have tried to ask me out or other such things. I then politely and firmly tell them that I'm not interested in a relationship with anyone other than the man I'm with. It usually ends that. Insanitek: Powered by Creative Minds. |
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| Posted 3 months ago I don't think I do but I have been told my personality just comes off that way...by other girls....I think they are just jealous I can talk to anyone and don't play the 'eye allure game' or the 'I am to good for you' dance when it came to guys. I like it, I go for it, I get it, I get bored, I drop it, I find another wash rinse repeat up until I got married that was how life was! "The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough."-Randy Pausch |
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| Posted 3 months ago Some great advise! I supposed I asked this because I tend to be seen as flirtatous- much as Laura mentioned, because I have no problem striking up a conversation with a colleague or acquaintance. In that situation, I am similar to Dana and swb10two in acting "dense". However, I've recently had 2 experiences happen through networking (so gratefully not people I see daily or often). It made me feel ridiculously uncomfortable. In these one of these cases I was so careful not to appear as though I was flirting, it was a networking event, and I try to be very cognizant of others' "perception" vs my "intention". There is only so much we can do to control other's behavior, outside the obvious, there is really no control. Sometime though, does anyone else just want to ignore it, wait for it to go away on its own and pretend like it never happened? But at the same time, so worried that someone may think you have poor manners or are "a bitch"? There is female socialization at its best. Unfortunately, sometimes I still get sucked into it. Anyone else? Korina Anja |
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| Posted 3 months ago kar23 says ...
As a young professional I used the "ignore it until it goes away" approach a few times. Once was with a settlement judge who put an arm around me and called me sweetie or something like that. At that time I was too insecure professionally to say anything to him or report him (it was inevitable that I would appear before him again). He never repeated the behavior with me, but I regret that I didn't say something so that maybe it wouldn't happen to others. In your original post, Korina, you asked how this kind of behavior makes us feel - I felt vulnerable (not just for me but for my clients present and future), angry, disgusted, and a little intimidated. It felt like an abuse of his power and position, actually. Jane G. Chambers
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