Group Forums >> Hardest Job in the Military >> Hardest job in the military?
Hardest job in the military?
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Posted 4 months ago So what exactly is the hardest part about being in the military? I'm not following. Surely not being the spouse...? I don't understand, maybe someone can help me. Yes, I've read about all the pain and suffering when the husband deploys, goes to gunnery, the field, etc., etc. And how hard it is to always be relocating when new orders come in.... And "dealing" with home life when he's away... But I'm not exactly following what's harder than actually being in the field, sleeping short, meager hours. Or not being able to properly miss the spouse and kids because the mind has to stay on the matters at hand. No slipups, someone can get hurt. Or if deployed, someone can actually die, not having your head in the game can mean life or death. You don't think it hurts him just as much as you to see your children acting up when 'daddy has to go away'? Or how about being in the field when it's cold and rainy, but still have to keep training? Or in Iraq working a checkpoint, and not only do you have to continue the job(which at times can be very exhuastive, repetitive, trying...There are a million things about going to the war, that you never know about until you expericene it for yourself) but now you're cold and wet. What about the first night in Iraq, and mortors are hitting the base? The next building over? Can you tell me where in being the spouse is harder than that? If someting happens to him, you're well taken care of. The insurance, support system, having to be strong for the kids. But what about the men and women out there, getting hit with IEDs, mortors, getting hurt, or worse, killed. I'm sure the only thing worse than that for Them is if it happened to you. And I really don't see your car getting hit with an IED anytime soon. Yes, the soldier is not the only one dealing with going to the field, and going on long deployements. And starting a career might be out of the question if orders come up a lot. And you are, in a sense, a single parent when daddy isn't there. But, and this is coming from someone who was in the military first, and am now a military spouse(he's currently in a 30 day field exercise right now), I can honestly say that being a military spouse is NOT the hardest job in the military. To me, it's not even a job. It's a lifestyle. Maybe you didn't know what you were getting yourselves into, but regardless, it is now your lifestyle, and to label it a job is... Well a few words come to mind. Cold, uncaring, just going from day to day. "I have to go to work!" I might've only been in the Army for four years, but I've been to the field numerous times, and have been to Iraq twice. You get cold, and tired, and hungry. But you have to go on. Sometimes my feet hurt. But I had to keep marching. Sometimes with 40+ loads. Sometimes I felt ready to pass out from hunger. But the mission came first. No breaks. Staying at my post, no matter how boring it was, sometimes in below freezing weather, and weather reaching well about the 100's, with 30 lbs of gear, of course. But the soldier must never get complacent. I have been tried mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. All to the breaking point and then some. Don't hate me and say it's hard being the spouse. I know it is. I just know it's harder being the soldier. It Is The Soldier It is the soldier, not the reporter Who has given us freedom of the press. It is the soldier, not the poet Who has given us freedom of speech. It is the soldier, not the campus organizer Who had given us freedom to demonstrate It is the soldier, not the lawyer Who has given us the right to a fair trial. It is the soldier who salutes the flag, Who serves under the flag and Whose coffin is draped by the flag Who allows the protester to burn the flag. Charles M. Province The heart doesn't ask permission for what it feels |
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| Posted 4 months ago Did someone say it is harder to be a spouse than a soldier? |
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| Posted 4 months ago I remember when my brother was in the Marines during the Vietnam conflict. My parents lived for any letters sent home. A few letters were rerouted with a stamp "whereabouts unknown". He was out of contact for a few months, and my Mom was distraught because he was on the front line of combat. Finally, the Red Cross located him on a hospital ship. He had malaria, a fever of 105 degrees, and he was in and out of delirium. Our oldest DS is a lifer and his family moved several times. Before they had kids, his wife could travel with him if he was not in a war zone. The family stays on base now whenever he is out of country because the kids are in school. The military life is hard on the entire family, but I think it is the hardest on the person away from his or her family. Phone calls and letters cannot replace his physical presence at home.
Donna Life is short. Embrace your friends and family with love. |
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| Posted 4 months ago I've never understood why people say the spouse has it harder than the military memeber. I for one never went home while he was gone, have auged sewer lines, changed brakes on cars (well helped LOL), moved umpteen million times with out him around, gone through hurricanes with him gone and spent more time with him not home than with him home in 17 years and I honestly worry more about when he gets out of the military and he's home all the time. The one move he was home for was much harder because he wouldn't listen to me and the hurricane he was home for.... well the ship let him come home the day of the hurricane, I'm the one who prepared the house and lugged 150 pounds of sand bags to the basement door. And I got to do all the clean up after because he had to get back to work the next day! Many young people do get married and not know what they are getting into, I do get so tired of hearing them cry about things. Now moving and not being able to have a long career with one company in one place, that is harder on the spouse but it's part of the package that we sign up for. I for one have always watched what I say in e-mails, try not to worry him about things that are trivial or that I can handle myself because I don't want him to be distracted. I actually knew a wife who e-mailed her husband about the wild party she ended up at and dancing on the pool talbe. I freaked out, told her that if her husband couldn't concentrate on the radar screen because of her and something happened to my husband that I would make sure it was known what she had e-mailed him. She really figured it out quick that what she did was wrong (going to a party like that in the first place, then e-mailing him about it) . But I have gotten to see my children grow up, I know them, I don't have to listen to people getting sick because the ship is rocking all night. I get to choose what I want to eat at every meal or what time I want to eat. I also don't get woke up at all hours just to be asked questions because I'm sleeping at work. So no my job is not harder than his. It's harder than a civilian marriage I think because I don't have my family here to help out with the kids, I could get uprooted at any moment, I hold my breath when hear a knock at the door when he's gone, I don't have him here to help with the doctors appointments, school functions, or any of that stuff that normally parents do together if they are married. But then the grass is always greener on the other side so maybe it's not easier to have him there for all that stuff LOL. |
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| Posted 4 months ago yes diana, this group is called hardest job in the military, and it's for the spouses. I'm so glad though, that there are others out there who know what it's truley like on both sides, and understand where I'm coming from. I know I have a hardship coming ahead of me, being a former soldier, and now I have to watch my own soldier go back to Iraq sometime next year. I think, in a way, it's almost terrifying for me, b/c I've seen first hand what its like over there, and know what he's gonna have to go through. Let us all pray for our soldiers, defenders of freedom. The heart doesn't ask permission for what it feels |
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| Posted 4 months ago Ah I see. Thank you for clarifying that for me. |
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| Posted 3 months ago Wow, well said ladies and I certainly agree. I am an Army Wife - 18 years and counting. My husband is currently in Iraq. When I tell people, they look and me and tell me how sorry they are. I look right back at them and tell them that they do not have to be sorry - we are proud and we are Army Strong. This is a lifestyle that I have become used to and when he retires in 2 years, I will be worrying then. Worrying about what career he will get into that will pay what he makes now (to include the benefits), worrying about him being home all the time, worrying about him missing the Soldier life, worrying about trying to get yet another job in my career field at the rip old age of 40-something. Spouses- be proud and strong. And try and put yourselves in their shoes......... "Though my road is fraught with challenges, through my faith I will rise and conquer." - MAJ Dave, U.S. Army |
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| Posted 2 months ago LADIES, The intent of this discussion was not to take anything away from our soliders. The discussion being called "Hardest Job in the MIlitary" was used to appeal to the spouses who feel that way sometimes. The intent was not for you to take it literally and I can tell from reading your posts that you did. There are some spouses who feel that they have it harder and I empathize with them completely. We are the ones left behind to continue on our normal everyday lives for us and the kids. We are the ones who have to hear "awwww" all the time when someone finds out that our spouses are deployed. We are the ones who have it put in our faces on a daily basis that our husbands are gone. We are the ones who have to keep the positive attitude for everyone left behind so that others don't see us upset, scared, worried or anything resembling a symptom of depression. We are the ones who have to stay strong for ALL the loved ones left behind because if we can't handle it then that would make it harder for everyone else. Yes the soldiers are the ones who are physically doing the job but we are right there with them helping them through it and most of the time pushing them to go on when they feel that they can't. Being a soldier is a hard job and I take nothing away from that but being a spouse is also a hard job and the point of the discussion was to give spouses a place to talk about their feelings WITHOUT being accused of being cold and uncaring. People need to vent sometimes and when doing so, the words used may not always be the right words but that is the only way they know how to get their point across at the time. To go and give some the chance to express THEIR feelings (not yours) and tell how military life has affected THEM (not you), helps a lot of people. I understand that you have your opinions and that's fine but don't go and criticize someone else for having their own. No one really knows what they are getting into when they marry a miltary man. You can say you do all you want but until you are put in that situation you have no idea. Some people who have been around the military and have some idea of how that lifestyle works would naturally be able to handle it better than those coming into the situation "cold turkey". There are going to be all types of emotions when learning how to adjust to this type of lifestyle but you never really get use to it. Everything changes so often and so much that you are constantly having to "start over". I'm not saying you have to agree with the comments being posted in the "Hardest Job in the Military" discussion but don't criticize others for what they have to say. Because all of you seem to have so much "EXPERIENCE" in the military lifestyle your comments would be better used trying to help the spouses understand things better instead of talking down to them for not being as adjusted to this lifestyle as you are. Most of the comments posted in that discussion are by wives of soldiers on their first or second enlistment. When I am interacting with my husbands younger marines and their spouses I talk with the spouses about their feelings and try to help them understand why things are the way they are. Even spouses who have been in the life for a while still have times when it gets to them. They need to vent sometimes too and talking with someone who understands you helps a lot. Helping and a ear to listen are what they need, not criticism.
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| Posted 2 months ago Im not criticizing anyone. If, anything, I was pointing out how hard it is to be a soldier. All to often, I see bumper stickers, t-shirts, these kind of forums, saying, Toughest Job in the Army/Air Force/whatever, Military Spouse. That is simply not true. I'm not criticizing them for it, just letting all you military spouses know, it's not true. If they can complain about how much harder it is on them than the service member, how come I/we, can't complain about our side of the coin??? Maybe you're the one jumping me for having an opinion? Right now, my DH is in JRTC, and is in no way comparable to a deployment, but I miss him terribly. Besides, he's in combat arms, his unit already has a month set for next years deployement. But not for one moment while he is gone I'm going to think, "Gee, it sure is a lot harder being home, having to put up this perfect wife front.", "Heaven forbid I break down, don't want to be seen as weak in front of the family." I don't care how hard it is on military wives, it's always harder on the soldier. I'm not stereotyping military wives, having become one myself, but about half of the spouses were cheating on the men in my DH's company while we were deployed. Hell, not just women, but men too! I was cheated on THREE weeks after we left(with the spouse of a man in my unit). Makes me wonder how many others are out there just waiting for their service member to leave...Do you know what kind of strain that puts on the unit, how hard it is to focus on staying alive, rather than your cheating spouse? Very tragic, one soldier actually killed himself b/c of it... I know there are very very good spouses out there, I am not going to stereotype them, once that happened to me, when someone said all military females 'get around.' I was very upset, not just because of what was said, but the act of stereotyping is absurd. "Yes the soldiers are the ones who are physically doing the job but we are right there with them helping them through it and most of the time pushing them to go on when they feel that they can't. Being a soldier is a hard job and I take nothing away from that but being a spouse is also a hard job and the point of the discussion was to give spouses a place to talk about their feelings WITHOUT being accused of being cold and uncaring." - Well, to insinuate that soldiers are only going through physical pains Is a little cold and uncaring. I was tried emtionally and physically. My first deployment, I ate and slept VERY little and cried myself to sleep for that first week. The funny thing is, it's a lot different downrange, and being home. When I was supposed to be taking care of myself, I wasn't. But it's not just for my sake, the safety of a WHOLE unit depends on the well being of each and every soldier. I did foot patrols, raids, the like. When people hear that now, they are kind of amazed, nowadays females don't do a lot of that stuff. But back then, a lot of females weren't in Iraq, and I had to go. No matter how I was "feeling." If I seem like a raving fool, I'm sorry, really. But it's always harder on the soldier. Peoples lives aren't in my hands anymore. The heart doesn't ask permission for what it feels |
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| Posted 2 months ago MimiB says ...
My husband is currently in Iraq also...I've only been an Air Force wife for 4 years. My husband has been in for over 21 years. I too, get that look, "I'm sorry" when people find out that he is down range. I'm like why are you sorry? He is doing his job, and I'm doing mine. I'm very proud to be a military wife. Granted, raising 3 kids, and working is hard work by myself, but I manage...my kids are old enough to help out around the house. But I certainly don't want someone feeling sorry for me. I am proud and very strong! Proud Air Force Wife
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| Posted 2 months ago I might've come off as a little harsh sounding, but I want everyone to know that wasn't my intention, and am glad to see women bonding together through shared experiences. My husband is going to deploy next year, and am going to get to see the other side of the coin. I still think being the soldier is tougher, but I certainly do have respect for those back home, being the support on the homefront. Too well I know that good support back home is one of the best things to ease a troubled mind when downrange. I hope the best for each and every family going through a deployement. The heart doesn't ask permission for what it feels |
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| Posted about 1 month ago I would have to agree that the hardest job in the military aside from being a soldier deployed is being the spouse left behind. I live in Virginia int he Hampton Roads area where the largest naval base in the world is located. We have the largest group of deployed military of any where in the continental USA. I have friends that are wives and they are really having a difficult when their husbands and some wives being deployed. My neighbor's husband has been deployed three times in the last 4 years and this does not include some of the quick deployments he has to other areas in and outside the USA sometimes. I used to work in the recreation department on the naval base while I was in college and sometimes the kids would suffer from their parents being deployed and this was not even during wartime so imagine what they are going through now when times are so uncertain for them. The moms are left behind to be dad, mom, disciplinarian Santa, and everything else in the hat to these children. That's a hard job to do sometimes. |
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| Posted about 1 month ago I wonder where y'all think the kids of the parent in the military fit into the hardest job category? The teenage son who ends up taking on some of the Dad roles with the younger kids and often companion to Mom. The teenage daughter who becomes the Mom figure when Mom is away. The young one's who don't understand where Dad/Mom went for so long or why. The son/daughter who feels neglected by the parent left behind because they are too busy with everything else to listen or notice that he/she is having problems. The kids who are the target of Mom/Dad's frustration, anger and loneliness while the other is away. Then the chaos and confusion of the parent returning with psychological and/or emotional issues and/or injury. The kids who's parent does not return. Of course, there is also the Mother of the Soldier who worries herself to tears every night. |
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| Posted about 1 month ago Well said DianaW. "Though my road is fraught with challenges, through my faith I will rise and conquer." - MAJ Dave, U.S. Army |
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| Posted about 1 month ago des_wildflower says ...
I agree, and I will stick my neck out and expand on why I think so. I have been a military spouse for over ten years. When I see those bumper stickers, t-shirts, proudly displayed by mostly women (most of whom don't work outside the home and sit and wait for their military spouse to come home, and then complain about them being in their way at home when they come back!), it really pisses me off. I know SO many military wives who have the luxury of staying home with their children, have excellent military health care benefits (another stressor relieved), maybe even a commissary to help with food costs (another stressor relieved), maybe an Exchange/PX for more cost savings on non-food items (another stressor relieved), and all they do is sit around and bitch and whine like ungrateful, entitlement-driven princesses. It makes me sick--that's why I never participate in any spouse or family groups because I just can't stand being around that attitude. And that's exactly what it is -- a bad attitude held by either someone who had no idea what they were getting into or knew but just expects everything on a silver platter. Obviously not every spouse fits this description, but enough people I know personally fit this mold to justify my rant on the subject--after over ten years, I am no stranger to this attitude. I know how hard our Active Duty military folks work, not to mention the environment they face every day, and this applies to ALL branches of the military. I was also a single parent for 13 years and got used to doing everything myself, so the military lifestyle isn't a real change for me except for the moving around part, which I love and consider an adventure for me. Taking care of a home, kids, a job, etc., by yourself is difficult but not that bad. It's the emotional part that is the worst for me, but I don't consider my emotional bond with my husband a "job." I don't consider remaining faithful to my husband a "job" either. The military lifestyle is different than a civilian lifestyle, but they both have their downsides. Partnership is the key to being happy, and partnership can be demonstrated just as much (or maybe more) when apart as when together.
It's not who's going to LET me, it's who's going to STOP me. -- Ayn Rand |
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| Posted 17 days ago des_wildflower, "Yes the soldiers are the ones who are physically doing the job but we are right there with them helping them through it and most of the time pushing them to go on when they feel that they can't." I can tell from your comments about this part that you totally misunderstood what I meant by this comment. I thought it would have been an understood thing the fact that both the soldiers and the families all go through an emotional strain during deployments. I didn't realize I had to actually point it out, which is why I only mention the physical part. I was in no way trying to sound cold or uncaring. I have seen the strain that these deployments put on families, not including actually going through it myself. My husband is also scheduled to deploy to Iraq next year. Our daughter is 5 years old and this will make his 4th deployment in her lifetime. That's just to Iraq and not including anywhere else he has been. It's really hard on her and even my husband has stated that in a way he has it better. He says that for him to have to stay behind and see the hurt and pain on her face everyday and to hear the crying and acting out and not be able to do anything about it would hurt him 10x worse than just hearing about it. Both sides go through there own type of "HELL" during deployments and they don't necessarily involve the same things. Some of them will be in common but most of them won't and that's why we need to keep supporting our spouses. I tell my husband all the time how proud I am of him and that I give him "kudos" because I couldn't do it. I couldn't have us switch places. He's good at what he does and I"m good at what I do. We both appreciate each other for being able to do it. As far as "unfaithful" spouses, I also know my share of them. I think the majority of military spouses know at least 1 spouse who ends up being unfaithful during deployments. As much as it saddens me, I not really all that surprised. Not everyone is cut out to be a military spouse. There are aspects of relationships that end up being really "challenged" when dating or marrying a military man/woman. Things come into the relationship that test you far beyond any relationship with someone not in the military. Sometimes people think they know what they're getting into and they think they can handle it but when reality hits, they realize they can't. Circumstances happen where their relationships end up getting tested and they fail. It's sad but it happens. I can't really worry about other relationships. I concentrate on what goes on between me and mine ya know.
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| Posted 12 days ago HI! I'm always very careful when engaging in conversations such as these because I am a solider. I am no longer in uniform. I've served for 12 years and would have gladly done 12 more were it not for circumstances beyond my control. I must say though that I agree with des_wildflower. Being a military spouse, or even a military parent is not the hardest job in the military. I've got my war badges and the hardest thing for me was the double deployment. That doesn't mean going and going and going. A double deployment is when two soliders marry and BOTH are DEPLOYED. This is especially difficult when both soliders are stationed overseas and have children involved. If you're overseas and you happen to have a double deployment your kids have to be sent back state side and that means you and the spouse have to have a discussion as to where the kids are going to go and do these family members want to "put up" with having your kids with them for the duration of your deployment. As a solider we're trained to block things and respond in ways that most civilians would classify as being cold and uncaring. I think the hardest job in the military is getting civilians to REALLY UNDERSTAND who we are and what we do. No one thinks about us unless there's a major conflict. Most civillians don't even know where in the world we are. You only know we're in Afghanastan and Iraq because the media made it known to you. Did you know we're in Somolia? Lebbanon? Israel? India? parts of the former Soviet Union? NO - you know why...you don't think about us even though we think of you every day we go to work. sknight |