WomenCo.

I hear though family members that I was an accident. My parents forgot to use protection, then me, the accident was born. For the few years together, they tried to kill each other. I remember every detail. They divorced when I was about 4. While all this was going on, I was being molested by my father's brother, my uncle. For about 10 years I was being sexually, physical, and emotionally abuse. I was about 13 years old when I told my father's family. Only one of my aunt's believed me. Every one else abandoned me, even my parents. My mother chose me over her husband, she kicked me to the curb when I told her, he touched me. I pressed charges against my uncle, when my father made me live under the same roof with his brother. I was only 16 years old while this was going on. The State had custody for about 2 months. A couple of months later, I met my boyfriend and got pregnant. I was so happy, finally. Long story short, when I was 18 years my uncle was deported to Peru. Between the ages of 17 to 19 I barely left my boyfriend's house. My father's family was always harassing me. Since my uncle was deported my father's family doesn't bother anymore. My relationship with my parents will always be distance. My mother was barely there when I was young. And my father acted like a big kid. No will ever no many tears I shed. I'm in a good place right now. I don't really believe in marriage in writing. My boyfriend and I have been together for 9 years and still going strong. I have three beautiful children. I'm happy.

Thanks for sharing your story, Jennifer. It's amazing how resilient the human spirit can be.

Hi Jennifer25,

I read your post and smiled upon reading you are creating a new beginning for you and your family. I understand rivers have flowed from the tears you have shed and the beginning felt harsh and challenging, and I encourage you to continue to blossom and grow.

At one time I had a teacher that encouraged me to ‘just notice’ how I felt and what this meant for me. And as you cycle in and out of memories of the past, realize that each experience whether good or bad, positive or negative, life changing or not, was met by one common ingredient, your “awareness.”

I mean each time you felt pain, joy, sadness, abuse, or laughter you realized what was taking place, you were aware. This one common ingredient tells you all things are equally allowed and all of your struggles, pain, thoughts and feelings have come and gone without the slightest disturbance to awareness itself. Awareness is a place of refuge and births mother to a new you. When you laugh, awareness just noticed, when you cry alone, awareness just noticed, when you fall back asleep and watch the sun rise in the morning, awareness just noticed. Awareness just noticed it all. When you doubt your self or have memory repeats, remember to breathe because somewhere in the middle you will recognize it is just sadness, just depression, it is not your identity anymore. And through it all awareness was “silent, setting you free.”

As you search for understanding from family members remember 2 things; 1) a community of women can hear, understand and offer possibilities, and 2) Anything will give up its secrets if you love it enough, i.e. life joy.

Opening your minds (<+>) eye and potential just grows.

KJ_sb

 ‘Gassho’, placing our hands together, _/|\_.

Thanks for sharing your story Jennifer.I think you are courage personified.