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excerpt from chapter 6.8
Current mood:  awake
Chapter 6.8
LAST NIGHT I CRIED UNCRIED TEARS, as I sat there wondering where I went wrong. I wasn’t ready to leave him yet, I need time and I would of made my decision. I was cut short. I always said I don’t want to leave one man for another, just to be upset at the fact that I still have feelings or even worse he wasn’t what I expected.
We sat in the car and spoke of our future one minuet, then my present situation the next. I thought to my self how he’s everything that I wanted in a man he s romantic, sweet, respectful, he cared, or at least he seemed to be. I never thought I’ve ever been so happy and what happens . . .he blows up my spot up. With the TRUTH. He tells me of how I have been selfish, trying to have my cake and eat it too. I at first I was lost for words getting ready to give him a piece of my mind. Then when everything registered, . , . I realized he was RIGHT. I was that dog who had a bone, In the pond who noticed its reflection in the pond and thought it was a another dog, then to only loose his bone trying to get the other. Although I only lost him it hurts like I lost everything. But I believe that this is just a phase.
I was wrong for trying to keep my options so open, that I fell in lust/ love with another man when my heart was promised to another man. I sat in my bed and all I wanted to do was cry but I wouldn’t allow my self to. I love my self too much to cry over a another man. Everything happens for a reason even if it s brought on by yourself. I think I loved him, I will never really know because last night was goodbye, goodbye to our future. Future arguments, future make ups , nights of long sensual sex! I wanted that. The fact that he would of catered to me, like destiny’ child. Just said to my self I deserve to be in a meaningful relationship. But I wasn’t real with my self. . . that’s why I couldn’t have been real with either one of them. I spent all of this time getting to know myself and what happens,… I was ready, but I wasn’t real with my self. that’s the most important thing, and it hurts it cost me a lot. Ive been taking an emotional step back from my man, just to hurt him,the new guy, and myself. I should of kept it REAL
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