WomenCo.

I really dislike it when they don't listen. granted there is a good time to get their attention. The best times to get your point across is when they are not watching a movie, playing a video game or watching a game. I am sure I am missing a slew of other things. But I also think they pretend not to listen so they can postpone the inevitable. Men??? right or wrong?

Because our mouths are so pretty they are distracted from listening to anything coming out of it.

I'm with Miss Kitty on this one. I don't think biology and neurology, like many scientific disciplines, have an authoritative comprehension of a highly-qualitative task such as listening. There are times when people listen, and times when people don't, and the moment you try to discern which particular people listen at particular times, you're dealing with a largely cultural problem.

But that still doesn't answer the question. So I'll ask another: do you think most men listen to each other more closely than they listen to women?

I don't listen to men more carefully than women. If I'm comparing a friend to a girlfriend, I'll definitely listen more actively to the girlfriend, unless I'm being nagged or doing something else like reading.

MichelleTullos says ...

 

One of the main reasons they are bad listeners compared to women is because men grew up “doing” while women grew up “listening”. Games that boys play often already have established rules. Little talking and listening is needed to accomplish putting a kickball team or baseball team together. Girls on the other hand played games like house and telephone that requires agreeing upon rules, who will play mom, what will we do, ect. Girls grew up having to listen to each other in order to play while boys didn’t have to as much. Don’t be too hard on them they are at an immediate disadvantage just because of gender roles. I find that it helps if you can get them focused in an activity with you and talk to them as you do it. Usually they will open up more too because they feel like all the attention is not on them.

I like this anthropological / structural point-of-view you took on this subject, Michelle.

While the lines between girl-play and boy-play are much more blurred than they may have once been, there is definitely an element of this that still applies today.

Archangel says ...

awinhold says ...

I really dislike it when they don't listen. granted there is a good time to get their attention. The best times to get your point across is when they are not watching a movie, playing a video game or watching a game. I am sure I am missing a slew of other things. But I also think they pretend not to listen so they can postpone the inevitable. Men??? right or wrong?

okey dokey.... i will agree that its going to ber hard to get our attention when we're in the middle of a game, or a videogame, or a movie or whatnot.  I dont know about everyone...but if im watchign a good move, or a good (pick a sport) game, or a good videogame... my body might be sitting on the couch or the chair- but my head is in the TV..... and if she can get my attenion, ill acknowledge ive heard her and make some form of response. 

Well it  depends.... sometimes women say to do *something* and we might nod and whatnot that we'll do it. Or said "yeah" but apparently not loud enough or since we didnt move our head or make eye contact. That doesnt mean we're going to drop what we're doing and do it this instant. Sometimes we're wating for a commercial break... or somethign so we dont miss the action. Just because you dont see us jumping to our feet like recruits at Bootcamp- doesnt mean we have no intention of doing something you've asked of us. 

Ive gotten in trouble for that.... and (in my experience) more often than not- she's pissed off because i didnt drop everythign to do what she wanted me to do *that instant*.... and 9 chances outta 10... it wasnt so earthshattering it couldnt have waited 5 or 10 minutes. Then you end up in the " you-never-listen-to-me" fight for essentionally nothing. 

But then again....this is me... and not every man is like me. Some guys are intentionally filtering out and tuning out, and ignoring and whatnot... depends on your guy. 

 

I agree with this 100%.  My man is very manly, ok, and he listens very well.  He doesn't say anything, and I don't need him to because I know that he heard me and that I can leave it with him.  When he's ready, he'll do something about it, and I can wait because I know that.  As you say, there's nothing that is going to shatter the earth by waiting, now is there?  I never, ever say anything twice.  There is no point.  Men do listen, and I believe that firmly, and men do think about what we're saying.  I believe that with all my heart, because I've seen them do it.  I think that as you say, women don't always perceive that men are listening and thinking because they do it at their own pace.  As I told my ex-husband, if you want someone to jump when you snap and come when you whistle, buy a dog.  I also think that men have feelings and hurt and have romance in them, and all the other things that they're rarely given credit for.  I think that men are like roses.  You have to let them bloom in their own time.  If you try to force the bloom open, you ruin it.  Men will listen and act when the time is right.  If you try to force them to do something before they're ready, you ruin it. 

I do believe that we contribute different things to the relationship, and that we're going to see things differently sometimes.  But listening to one another and caring about what each one thinks and feels is what makes it work, so we both have to listen.

yeah, my ex comes to mind!  hehe

Many men practice selective hearing. My husband is hard of hearing so he often says yes to whatever I say. Maybe, that is not a bad thing.

Some of the worst listeners in my life are women. Let's not just call it a testicles thing. My Mom and Sis ask me the same question 4 times a day. When I give the answer, if it is not what they want to hear, they do what they want and not what I asked them to do. It's VERY frustrating. DH tuning me out because I am bitching about them doesn't effect me too much...but when I am talking to him about him doing the same thing...

But really...It's me. I say boring stuff. I'd tune me out too.

I wouldn't say that men in general are bad listeners; some are and some aren't - just like with women.  You have to be clever and "choose" when you want to have a discussion with a guy.  I'm a bad listener when Boston Legal or the Indianapolis Colts (NFL) are playing.  I guess it depends on how they're trained :).

~Angie

YEAH, YOU KNOW I TELL MY HUSBAND THINGS IN THE BEGINNING OF THE WEEK, AND BY THE WEEKEND,,, HE  DOEN'T KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! DRIVES ME CRAZY. BUT ON A MORE SERIOUS NOTE, THERE ARE THINGS THAT I AM TRYING TO GET ACROSS TO HIM AND HE JUST DON'T GET IT! FOR A LONG TIME I THOUGHT IT WAS ME.... SO, I REALLY DON'T KNOW HOW THIS HELPS BUT JUST LETTING YOU KNOW YOU ARE NOT ALONE GIRL!

AngieToussaint says ...

I wouldn't say that men in general are bad listeners; some are and some aren't - just like with women.  You have to be clever and "choose" when you want to have a discussion with a guy.  I'm a bad listener when Boston Legal or the Indianapolis Colts (NFL) are playing.  I guess it depends on how they're trained :).

~Angie

Angie, I must be really bad at training....lol...I think my is untrainable...lol..

My fiance is a pretty good listener, most of the time. I tend to be overly talkative and I say a lot of things all at once or at bad times or talk about 5 different subjects at once - so in all fairness, sometimes I am difficult to listen too - I don't make it easy - I don't mean too - It is just the way I am. I am also guilty of being a poor listener, and he tells me so. In fact, we have probably had more arguments about me not listening to him!! My reasons are usually because he tries to talk to me just when I am walking through the door after a long day at work and I have my 2-year old daughter to get settled in, she is usually hungry as soon as we get home, wants to watch TV and needs my undivided attention as well - so for us to talk and listen to each other we have had to learn to set aside time for it. He knows now that he needs to give me about a 1/2 hr after getting home before telling me about his day or asking me about mine. This has helped a lot!!