WomenCo.

my ex has decided that he truly loves me and realizes that he lost something very valuable to  him. he now wants his family back. i hear it all, all the words i so desparately needed to hear last year but of course i didn't. now he wants to be a family again. he cries and part of  me believes him until, as always, i find out he is still with that other woman. there are other names i would call her but i cant on this type of forum. anyway, since he decided that he wants me again, or i'm sorry, he always wanted me but he was confused. do i sound sarcastic? i am.

it is amazing that men can have so much in one place, (bouncing balls) and yet be absolutely empty in other places. are they born stupid or just think we are.

i have the ex that never goes away. he cheats, he lies, he walks away, he lets me go and his family, and yet, now he has decided he wants me back.

he has decided. does that just piss you off?

I agree - reread your post. You also try to blame the other woman - what? YOU keep letting him come back, own your stuff, figure out why you cannot accept that is who he is or move on and be happy. Stop blaming them, look at what is in you that is allowing this to continue to happen!

thanks for the feed back but i was being sarcastic. maybe i didn't word it right. my meaning was that now, after all this time, he, (meaning he's got a pair of balls) has decided, (as if he has the right) that he wants me back.  i blame him 100% but as for her, I do blame her too. As a woman when she found out that be had a wife with kids, (he lied to her in the beginning) she should have stopped and be on her way. but she didn't. woman to woman, you dont do that. at least I dont. but she is as low as he is.  but now they are no longer together, they didn't deserve any happiness for what they did to me and my children.  as for him, honestly, i still love him. it was nine years of total togetherness, he totally changed. why? i really don't know but i think it had more to do with him then us. but he played a game and he lost. i asked my girlfriend how could i still love him and she responded, of course you love him, and thats okay, but its not okay for him to hurt you. so even though you love him still, know in your mind and heart, he wil never be what he once was to you. and thats true, for even if he never cheats on me again, what we had is gone. its sad. we had a great love story. its really sad but thats life.

majesticamarti:

thank you. its hard loving someone but knowing they are not healthy for you. i am trying to be strong. sorry for what you're going through. love is wonderful, i still believe that. and i don't regret anything but love also is very painful. i'm here if you need to talk.

rosalia

I probably shouldn’t be responding to this, especially with the state of my emotions. But I’ll respond anyway…know that my response is with love. Unfortunately, we can’t decide who our heart loves, or for how long. The heart is treacherous…and it makes us do some foolish things (trust me I know!). So it is perfectly alright to still love him, actually it’s healthy for you to still love him…but look at the big picture. Does he still TRULY love you? Did he ever TRULY love you? Anybody can make tears come out their eyes (don’t feel sorry for him), if his actions aren’t in accordance with this words…don’t fall for the banana in the tailpipe (Beverly Hill Cop 1)…I’m not sure if it was you or someone else, but didn’t you let him come back before, only to find out that he was still with this same woman? The ball is in your court!!! YOU decide what happens, how it happens and when it happens…I love the saying ‘they never miss the water until the well runs dry’…why is it all of sudden, he wants you back? Because things aren’t good with her any longer? Take all these things into prospective before you make a decision…first time shame on him, second time shame on you…We will support you in any decision you make…but women have this thing called intuition, use it…put your heart on the front stoop, take your intuition and your brain in the house, and decide what’s best for you and the kids…and if Mr. Teary Eyed loses the battle, oh well…he lost the best thing that will EVER happen to him, YOU!!! keep smiling sweetie…I love you!

I've never taken him back. During this past summer, we have been able to actually have a conversation without fighting. It was me fighting with him because of the anger. but now we can actually talk and we have taken the kids out together. Since the summer he has wanted to get back with me. But i've refused. i dont trust him. we spent 4th of july together with the kids and had a nice day. but everytime we do spend time together, she always gets into the picture. Either i hear that they went out to dinner, which he denies, (he has said he hasn't been with her for a long time) (whatever). there is always something that comes up with her name in it. of course not from him but from other people. it amazes me that no one told me anything when he started this, but now they can't wait for me to know it all.

i've prayed about this for months.  he even started coming to my church on sundays. but i dont believe in him. he has lied so many times and as much as i love him, i really dont think i could go back. i've changed now. i'm not the same woman as before. he was everything to me and i trusted him more that i ever trusted anyone. but what he did and the cruelity of it hurt me bad. but in the back of my head, i think, maybe i should try again. maybe it could work out. maybe things would actually end up being better than before. i think of my kids and they went through hell when we split. they have gone through alot and they are adjusting now. if hes real now, maybe my kids could have their  mom and dad together again. should i try again? one thing i will tell you though, even without him, my and my kids are a family together. we have learned that we dont need him to be happy. now its about wanting him. i am confused. but i'm not making any decisions yet. my motto is, when in doubt, do nothing.

thanks for all the support. it is rough deciding. its not just about me, its about my kids too. but i know that if i am happy, they will be happy. i also know that if i asked them, they would say its up to me.  i think that might be my answer.

rosalia

WOW  ok wait a minute, WOW!!! You ladies are awesome!

I'm going to play devils advocate here. or maybe just ask a question. can one person in a relationship "cheat" and yet the relationship might be healed and get back together? i know its almost impossible to forgive that sin. I don't necessarily think that everyone who cheats has a pattern. Maybe the cheating can reveal that the relationship is broken, but then the two people have to make a serious commitment to go to a counselor and see if it can be fixed, see if they are willing to take advice and then see if people walk the talk after that.

I had to tell one of my daughters: you need to only date one man at a time once you've gotten past the first few dates time period. She seemed to think that unless she actually told them she was "committed" she didnt have to be faithful. i told her mens egos dont usually handle that too well. what i didnt tell her is that she needs to continue her counseling. I think its helping, but she may have a ways to go.

i dont think that our woman getting advice here should blame the 'other woman', even tho she will hate her guts in her heart. that women is a sad kind of woman and i was her once. i didnt think i deserved a real relationship, so i settled for the leftovers. i derived self-worth from sex, which is a black hole. all of  that ended f inally when i decided i needed help and after that I did years of work on myself to deal with my many personal issues. today i will never do that again. but i feel im at square one. im learning again what it means to love.

Humans are so mixed up about relationships. We have a long way to go til we figure things out. But you ladies give me such great hope and happiness about women. Women are and will always be the vanguard of change!

your right. if you decide to restart the relationship then you must let go. its not easy. i'm trying that now and we didn't even move in together yet. first, they have to stop whatever they did wrong in the first place. then you try to rebuild. but i have learned you cant rebuild what you once had. what was then is then. you have to rebuild and start new. find a new place to come together. my problem is that i want what i had. i cant have it. it is gone. but the future is what you make of it. so i am trying to let go, and believe in me and him, which equals us, and working on that. we do talk about our past, me and him, and the good memories that is something that gives us happiness and it enforces the committment was had together but we cant get that easy going, i trust you completely part of us back. i dont think honestly if i could ever trust him that completely again. but maybe thats not a bad thing totally. maybe i need to learn where i took him for granted and took us for granted and make sure i dont do that again. which i know i did. its very hard and confusing. there still is alot of pain and anger. but i pray alot. i pray for god to give us what we need to work things out and i pray that god gives us the wisdom to know what to do and to guide us in the direction where we are supposed to go. if it works out i know it'll be with alot of hard work and accepting each other again and forgiving that we made mistakes. if it doesn't work out, then i will know at least i gave it one more try and did everything to the best of my ability.

thank you Ann.

Rosalia! I love you girl! And hell yes it pisses me off!

He is a selfish cad and thank god you have the strength so many women lack to kick him to the curb time and again! Good for you! My ex did that crap to me...telling me I was the center of his universe and he wanted me back and the ENTIRE time he was dating other women. I had moved on but he had to try to win. I was the one that left and his little ego couldn't handle that. It wasn't about him wanting me...it was about him controlling me. And NO ONE controls me but me.

And the kids of course...they got me around their stubby little fingers.

Hugs to you and I hope he stops torturing you with his neediness. Da Weinie. Jeez.

Rosalia,

As with most things, if you search for it long enough and believe you can acheive it...it can be yours. He changed on his own and he has to repent and want to be the man he once was...but *he* has to want it. It's not enough that you do. So pray for your peace as well. That you can accept whatever outcome comes your way.