General Forums >> Ask A Man >> You suck in bed - do you wanna know?
You suck in bed - do you wanna know?
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Posted 9 months ago I was inspired by this discussion: Mediocre Sex Fantastic Guy. Would you want to know if you are in a fantastic relationship, but she thinks you suck in bed? |
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| Posted 9 months ago Yes, but in a nice way. Everyone will be happier in the long run. |
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| Posted 9 months ago How do you tell someone that they suck in the sack in a nice way? That would be very hard to not hurt their feelings! |
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| Posted 9 months ago It's sort of the same way you'd give constructive criticism in any arena. I like it when you do this...it would awesome if you could do that..., etc. |
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| Posted 9 months ago You make it seem so simple. There's always that persons response (positive or negative) to one's intent to have a constructive discussion. |
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| Posted 9 months ago Well, if he can't have a constructive discussion about sex, then that probably isn't a positive thing. Also, it might not go perfectly, but I think relationships often grow a lot after hard topics are covered. Fighting isn't always bad for a relationship. |
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| Posted 9 months ago Its always more constructive to say what you'd like MORE of as opposed to what you'd like LESS of. Just telling someone theyre bad in bed isn't specific enough for them. They won't know where to begin. |
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| Posted 9 months ago Hell yeah I'd want to know, but really, how wouldn't I know? hmmm... And if one person's not having a great time, then maybe the other's not either, and then both are just going through the motions, so to speak. This is definitely what I would call the "transitional stage" of a relationship. |
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| Posted 9 months ago Is that the "transition to get out" of the relationship? And how would you know without her telling you about it? |
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| Posted 9 months ago Well, maybe that's what I meant by transition, maybe not, but I'm not at all surprised that's what you think I meant. And how would I know? Lot's of ways! Pretty much boils down to if I'm not blown away, than there's a high chance she's not either, vice versa applies. |
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| Posted 4 months ago
um....well yes id like to know. I mean, you have to pay attention..... id imagine that if i was that bad- id have to know.... ha ha. (maybe not) I mean, if we're talking about likes and dislikes.... you gotta converse about these things... otherwise you're not getting the bang for your perverbial buck so to speak. (i know- always the mechanic) Id hope that at least she'd be a bit more tact and less blunt than that. This dog can learn new tricks...and im not opposed to directions... besides *every* and i mean EVERY woman is different as to what they like and dont like. Every woman is different in what is sensitive and how much and when and whatever. What works for one doesnt necessarilly work for another. dont get me wrong...im essentially a nice guy.... but ..... if a woman tells me verbadum that i suck in bed... she'll probably hear an equally tactless statement in return. I mean, what would a woman rather hear: ......that those pants make her #ss looks like 2 hogs fighting in a gunny-sack.... ...or that her #ss doesnt look as hot in *those* pants as they do in those other ones. |
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| Posted 4 months ago PERSONAL OPINION! A guy should know that he isn't so great in bed if his girl/woman (whatever!!!) has an unrelenting headache for more that 2 weeks. Don't take her to the doctor, seriously. The good ol' doc might do more study into the problem than he really should... "Don't Give Up Until You're Done Trying."
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| Posted 4 months ago I went off sex a year ago!! that and i didn`t get nice things said to me either!! I`m still off sex! amyx |
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| Posted 4 months ago Oh you poor girl! Once the hormones kick you in the but and the celibasy kick is over, I'd bet the guys won't have anything bad to say, let alone have the chance....they might be a bit busy and their brains will be out of order. "Don't Give Up Until You're Done Trying."
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| Posted 4 months ago I think sex is a sub topic of Love and if two people are in love they should be able to converse or just do sexually and see how it fits into the relationship. Sex is just like many other aspects of a relationship and two people need to learn what works and what does not work. We often fixate on the concept of good and bad in a field of comparison that is 6 billion strong, thus the asumption is that all men and women know how to not suck in the sack, this is silly in my mind. Communication is the key to improving any relational dynamic...including sex. If two people care about each other enough to work through an issue they can work through anything. Also I would be willing to bet that if the sex sucks then there are other aspects of the relationship that suck as well. |
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| Posted 4 months ago I admit that when I was dating in college I would at then end tell the guy WHY he was bad or not even wait UNTIL the end, BUT I would also offer suggestions give tips etc or if they were flat out bad tell them 128 and they would say what? and I would say that is the number of cracks on your ceiling. I remember I once met an old ex and he had his new girlfriend he came marching up to me with the new girl in tow and introduced her, like I was supposed to 'marvel at my loss' or something finally after much preening and giggling I asked her "so is he could in bed?" and she said "Yes, he is the BEST" all affronted and then possesively grabed his arm, I said "well your welcome and since I like you so much I wont charge you!" Do realize that in highschool and beginning of college I was a very heartless girl it took my husband to turn me into the loving person I am today! I do realize that this might shock some people and some cant imagine me this way but do realize, until I met my husband I believed men were put on this earth as toys to play with and throw away when bored, or if they got boring and I am still honest only not so honest as I used to be I am now 'compassionate' something I had to learn because it was not TAUGHT to me! "The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough."-Randy Pausch |
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| Posted 4 months ago The 1st time I slept with my ex-fiance, she made suggestions as to what she liked, and being a good student, I listened and things just got better every time! It's all about communication! |
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| Posted 4 months ago It takes two to tango. Actions in this case speak louder than words. Anyone can become great in bed or become a great lover if you have the right teacher. You just have to be willing and open to learn. If you think your relationship is fantastic( which is a feat in itself) but the sex is lousy than you need to start taking charge. If after you try and he still has no interest in changing things up or is hesitant to be more creative then your problem may be bigger than lousy sex. It's not who you are that holds you back. It's who you think you're not. - Unknown |
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| Posted 4 months ago
Now here is a topic that I like to read about. LOL…I know this question was directed toward the men, but I’ll put my two cents in anyway. I’ve had a few men that sucked in bed. I think most of it comes from them being with women who don’t care about the act of sex. Some women are taught that sex is for the man…but I beg to differ, I think a woman should enjoy it just as much, if not more than a man. Then some men are just outright selfish when it comes to sex…but trust me, when you step on that ego a little, that selfishness goes out the window. I think that anyone, everyone can be taught to be good in bed…and what one woman likes, another may not, so each man needs to be taught to confirm to what that particular woman likes. So it may not be that he sucks, but that he doesn’t know how to please YOU. Turn the light on, draw a diagram, pull out the lotions, fruit, toys and whatever else you think you might need, show him what to do, show him how you like to be touched…and in turn he can show you what he likes…and the lovemaking will be a lot more fun if you know a persons likes and dislikes.
Ms. Antoinette M. Brown I am a divine original fashioned by God to be radiantly beautiful! Accounting professional committed to integrity, professionalism, and support to drive a business toward success. |
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| Posted 4 months ago AMEN, Sister Brown! |
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| Posted 4 months ago I would want to know how I could improve. |
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| Posted 4 months ago Today, i definately wouldn't want to know if I was not the most amazing lay he has ever had... (oh my I sound so naughty) But I suppose I probably wouldn't respond well to criticism in this area. No...I don't want to knw. I'd rather go on thinking it's great for my partner too -even if it wasn't. I know, sounds selfish...but this is my stand today. |
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| Posted 4 months ago NeedWork08 says ...
that's all well and good in theory. but you ladies outta know that most guys are crummy with hints. Why keep telling him you have a headache, when you can just simply tell him the problem to begin with. that's a damn sight faster than screwing around with this "headache" buisness. I mean really..... all that's goign to do is prolong the inevitable. besides- if you have a "headache" for a month straight... he's not going to think there's somethign wrong with his performance- he'll think you're screwing around on him. Its not going to be his first thought that he's doing somethign wrong. Because whatever he's doing...hes probably been doing for a long, long time...and nobody has ever said anythiing. |
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| Posted 4 months ago TheEverydayFeminist says ...
I don't think - usually - that there should be criticism per se; just suggestions as to what you'd like your partner to try. I would never tell my gal she's doing something wrong, I would gently ask her try it a different way. (and you don't sound all that naughty!) |
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| Posted 4 months ago It's just a matter of learning, if it's worth the relationship. Think of it as horizontal dancing. "What you do for yourself - any gesture of kindness, any gesture of gentleness, any gesture of honesty and clear seeing toward yourself - will affect how you experience your world. In fact, it will transform how you experience the world. What you do for yourself, you're doing for others, and what you do for others, you're doing for yourself." |
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| Posted 4 months ago My husband and I have had very open communication from the beginning and that was established even while we were dating and before we ever had sex. Every "encounter" that we have ends up with "how was that and is there anything that I could do differently next time". We focus on each other and the communication. As earlier posts have stated "it is ALL about the communication".
- Jenn
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| Posted 4 months ago I really like mzbrown's response. She said it all. Each man is so different. It boils down to how badly does the man want to improve to please you? One guy I went out with could not kiss. I stopped him, held his head gently and said "slow down." He didn't listen, so I knew he wasn't really interested in pleasing me or anyone else but himself. I bet his hand did more than bang a gavel that night. |
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| Posted 4 months ago Sidney45 says ...
Bang a gavel....that's priceless! But it is true...a partner who doesn't listen is being selfish. The Golden Rule applies to all aspects of life, including the bedroom... |
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| Posted 4 months ago Sidney45 says ...
Thanks Sidney, just speaking from experience. Some men (and women) could care less if you are pleased in bed or not. It's all about them. bang a gavel!!! LOL...I'm going to have to use that one! Ms. Antoinette M. Brown I am a divine original fashioned by God to be radiantly beautiful! Accounting professional committed to integrity, professionalism, and support to drive a business toward success. |
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| Posted 3 months ago Bang a gavel!!!!!! LOL....yes I completly agree with mzbrown...... you seem to just have it going on girl.....I know my man and I have a very decent sexually relationship...but there are times that one or both of us are always asking is there something else I could do to please you more...and I'll admit that sometimes when this ? is asked"by me" I am woundering if something I'm doing is not pleasing him enough,," cause sometimes he just seems so relaxed almost to the point of not really being into me and whats going on...." but sometimes just cause I feel as though I'm not pleaseing him enough.....anyway.......mzbrown you really have said it all...thanks... |
