Group Forums >> Just Us Girls >> this thing called life
this thing called life
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Posted 4 months ago Ok, so we're all in our jimmy-jams in a circle of pillows with popcorn and drinks, chillin' to the max. What topic comes up? The deep things of life. Seriously, after all of the joking is over, we do tend to get mellow and serious, don't we? I find that what most often comes up is how we deal with the fact that we are the ones who take care of everything and everyone. Some of us want to find that man that makes us feel cared for, but deep in our hearts, we know that we take care of him, too. It's a woman thing. I think it's because we're the ones who give birth. From the very beginning of every precious life, there is a woman taking care of it and nursing it through every ache, every illness, every tear. We're the ones who put ourselves aside to see to it that everyone else is well-cared for. Sometimes, it's just a bit more than we can bear. It's really the worst if you feel that there isn't anyone who would really understand the particular thing that you are going through at the moment. So, I thought that I would start this topic. If you are going through something like this, a woman thing, and you don't feel there is anyone else around you who understands, post it here. I'll bet we'll find that we're all in it together. We can certainly offer support, and we just may find that there really is someone out there who knows exactly what we're going through. |
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| Posted 4 months ago I just sent my kids off to school for the first day of this year. They were wonderful! The first day is so stressful for me because often times it determines how the entire year will go. My daughter is a prissy missy and has to look just right, she had an emotional breakdown this morning because the outfit she wanted to wear ...she had bought the wrong size. ( I think she grew since school shopping....lol ) She was devistated and although she looked stunning on her way to school...she didnt feel good about the way she looked. I am praying that she can pull herself out of that rut and have a great day! She deserves it! My son looked so handsome! He is growing into a fine young man! So sweet and so stinkin tall!!! this year he is 12 and in a mens 12 shoe....OMG! He stands almost a foot taller than he and probably the most handsome in the school!! I was excited for school to start but I find myself missin them somethin fierce. Majestic Service
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| Posted 4 months ago My daughter, who is my "baby", started high school today. I told my husband this weekend that I was feeling weepy about it, and he looked at me like I had sprouted another head. It felt like one of those gender chasms. I know, Sarah, what you mean about us taking care of others before ourselves. I have a friend whose needs have increased all year, and it wears me down at times. It's not a one-sided relationship, but I'm starting to think about how to get some balance back, so that I'm taking care of my needs. I know that I don't have to take on as much as I am, so that is one place to start looking for better balance. Jane G. Chambers
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| Posted 4 months ago majesticmarti says ...
watching our kids grow into young adults is exciting and weepy at the same time. I know that when they finally grow up and move out, the empty nest syndrome is a very real thing! But by going through a little bit of it at a time, such as now when they're going off to school, you'll be ready for it. It's really great when your children turn out so well and you can be so proud of them. Have you told them? |
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| Posted 4 months ago AJaneChambers says ...
Never mind, men don't get it. Good for you! Remembering to take care of ourselves is difficult, isn't it? But if your friend is becoming too dependent, then you're right, it's time to get some balance back. I wonder how your friend would react if you turned to him/her for support for a change? One aspect of balance in friendships is that you're there for one another, isn't it? |
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| Posted 4 months ago I don't believe that anyone can ever know EXACTLY what we are going through, we can experience the same thing in different ways. But I do believe they can offer extrodinary empathy and compassion- sometimes even better. The majority of women are caretakers by default, and damn good at it too! It is important for us to remember to step back at times and remember that it is okay to be taken care of too, or ask to be looked after. A thread like this is a useful tool to do just that. Thank you Sarah! Korina Anja |
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| Posted 4 months ago seabrownthree says ...
Thanks for your words. That's a good question about seeking support and worth finding the answer to. Jane G. Chambers
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| Posted 4 months ago kar23 says ...
You make an excellent point. Since each of us is different, each of our perceptions is different. Sometimes, we can help each other to see things from a slightly different angle because of that, and it's great when we can do that. We are by nature caretakers, and sometimes we have to remind ourselves that we need to take care of the caretaker! Thanks for the input. I'm looking forward to all the sharing that we can do here! |
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| Posted 4 months ago I don't believe that anyone can ever know EXACTLY what we are going through, we can experience the same thing in different ways. But I do believe they can offer extrodinary empathy and compassion- sometimes even better. The majority of women are caretakers by default, and damn good at it too! It is important for us to remember to step back at times and remember that it is okay to be taken care of too, or ask to be looked after. A thread like this is a useful tool to do just that. Thank you Sarah! --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I agree completely! I think alot of the emotional stress I go through is that I dont feel taken care of or looked after. My son is such a little man and does what he can but its not the same. Yuou know what I mean??? Majestic Service
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| Posted 4 months ago Today I asked my friend who has been leaning on me for some support for my needs. I find that it is difficult for me to say, "I need..." and "I feel..." and then during this conversation I didn't feel that I was being heard, so I had to express that as well. I appreciate the comments from each of you. I felt encouraged to try speaking up and working out the problems. Even though I don't know what the result will be, I'm glad to have had the chance for both of us to talk about how we're feeling and what each of us needs. Jane G. Chambers
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| Posted 4 months ago Andrea, I am so proud for you! It is not easy to do but much needed. I need to do it more often. I think alot of times it is the fear of someone actually telling me that they either cannot or will not help with my needs that prevents me from making sure my own needs are being fulfilled. Does that make sense to anyone but me??? Majestic Service
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| Posted 4 months ago Thank you, Marti. I was afraid, especially when my friend was just sitting there looking at me (seemed to be listening, but definitely not acknowledging my needs!). I'm not sure what turned things around, but eventually something that I said got a positive response, and we went on from there. This will either strengthen our relationship or show me that the friendship wasn't as strong and mutual as I thought. Jane G. Chambers
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| Posted 4 months ago AJaneChambers says ...
Good for you, Jane. You're growing stronger and more confident when you learn how to express your needs. You really have to be able to do that in any relationship. Otherwise, you're filling their needs, but no one is filling yours, and it's draining. You're really showing true courage in putting your needs ahead of a nowhere friendship. It is a gamble, that's true. But if your friend isn't willing to hear you and take care of you, then your friend really isn't a friend. You deserve better. If your friend is willing to change and listen, then you've not only strengthened yourself, you've strengthened your friendship, as well. Well done. |
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| Posted 2 months ago This is a great thread. Although, our daughter is now 21 yrs. old, living and attending grad school in Germany, I can still recall (vividly) the first day I took her to school. She was 4 yrs. old and starting pre-k. She has always attended private school, so this was an all day program. I cried so much. I experienced more separation anxiety than she did! Precious memories. Thanks for asking.
Angie Toussaint
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| Posted 2 months ago As mothers, it's SO hard to let go. My son is always fussing at me about this and that, saying mom, I'm not a baby. and my response is...you are my baby!!! But I know I need to give him room to grow, but it's SO scary. He is all I got, my only baby... Ms. Antoinette M. Brown I am a divine original fashioned by God to be radiantly beautiful! Accounting professional committed to integrity, professionalism, and support to drive a business toward success. |
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| Posted 2 months ago This is a GREAT topic. I agree with each one of you and understand exactly what you mean Marti. I suppose you are a single mother. I began to feel that I was meeting everone's needs and kind of stuck out there in the middle of nowhere, back when I was married to my children's father. There was even a time that when I was a home health nurse and was on the interstate going to a patient's house, that I even contemplated running away. But reality hit me and I was back to where I should be, even though my needs were never met. If I were to look back and think about it, going to nursing school helped me fulfill one of my goals even if he was against me going to college. I could have made some other arragements if given the opportunity to brainstorm with other women, like now. Oh well, can't take back the years. I would recommend Marti that you find something that you are really interested in, and make a wonderful career at it. If you would like to discuss this more, maybe we as a group can come up with something that will fit you perfectly, and just maybe a man might appear in the picture. KJ |