WomenCo.

Did chivalry really die? Are there really no more gentlemen in the world? One day I was dining with a male friend and when the check arrived I offered to pay. He immediately responded by saying no and looked as if he was extremely offended. I meant no harm. I started thinking did he think I insulted his manhood? Does a woman’s career success and financial independence challenge whether or not chivalry needs to continue to exist? I have many questions and very few answers. So WomenCo community and friends what do you think?

I don't think chivalry has died. Just harder to find. I think men appreciate most of the times is we try to pay our share of the bill. I do think men are starting to take this as norm....so they just don't pick up the bills. Although I do think they still should open the door etc. If not I say you ask them to do it. I don't think men feel offended if you request it. Guys at Womenco have to pitch in here. If we didn't offer to pay and what stage do you ask a woman to pay her fair share of the bill or take turns paying on dates?

i agree with distantwizard: being a gentleman and being chivalrous are two different things. I don't consider being paid for part of my privilege as a woman (but then i am married and men don't feel the need any more either). in fact i take male friends out as much as they take me out.

i do expect however, that men will hold the door/chair out for me, carry my bags, drive the car over in the rain, and escort me to my door.

reading this it looks like my expectations are all over the place - no wonder men are confused :(

I don't think chivalry is dead.  I don't think that as women we can expect it so much anymore. My SO is so gallant towards me and I love it. I don't always expect it but it is certainly nice to be treated like royalty.  I don't know why it is though that we can't make some of the same efforts toward our man as we expect him to make toward us.  When my SO opens the car door for me I'm sure to check that his side of the car is unlocked or if we are coming home from buying groceries I don't mind carrying as much as I possibly can so that neither of us have to go back out ot the car.  I think that nowadays it's about common courtesy and it should be practiced on both sides, for each other.

I think this is a complicated question. 

Is chivalry dead- no.  Is it hard to find out where you can be chivalrous as a man- and not offend the independant woman that can do it all herself? Sometimes.

Not all women are like that-- but then again, some are. Its a matter of patiently, and openmindedly testing the waters to see what is acceptable to whom on a case by case basis. that's how i do it. 90% of chivalry  in my opinion depends on the woman in question and i guess how she feels about (*insert chivalrous action here*) - and everyone is different. 

It sounded like he was offended, but then again- im not sure i know all of the situation and setting as well. im sure he'll get over it. He shouldnt be too bent over the whole thing i dont think. 

I agree...'tis more rare a virtue we come across in others nowadays. Some call it old fashioned, some call it patriarchal, some call it polite manners. Whatever you call it-  chivalrous acts are ceratainly more noticiable now because it is not common practice.

 When I saw this post I couldn't resist responding.  I'd recently written an article on Chivalry in the 21st Century and have now posted it in the "News & Columns" page.  I'm always amazed at the variety of emotions this topic drums up.  Love to banter about it!