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Happiness Has Its Price

Most married couples fall into two categories—satisfied or very satisfied with their marriage. The remaining minority of unhappy couples eventually becomes satisfied or very satisfied with their marriage or they end the marriage.

The early years of my marriage are vividly etched in my mind…the joys…conflicts…and determination to create a successful marriage relationship. We learned that there are seasons of immense joy as well as challenges to overcome in marriage. We believed in each other and in what our marriage could become. We were like 95% of married couples who encounter periods of unhappiness and with commitment and effort move back into a satisfied or very satisfied state in marriage.

In the absence of domestic violence and serious abuse, what is it that holds us back from coming to terms with low satisfaction in our relationships? Are we caught in the ebb and flow of routines that simply carry us from one day to the next? Or are we just too busy and tired to care? Perhaps happiness has been replaced by a more functional relationship.

David Popenoe’s Top Ten Myths of Marriage states that happiness in general has not increased in marriages, but has likely declined somewhat. The life-span of a marriage hasn’t really changed much at all over the past fifty years. What has changed according to some studies is the amount of work-related stress, conflict, and the decreased interaction between married partners today compared to those of 20 to 30 years ago.

Typical work-related stressors that can impact marriage happiness include:

• The amount of time dedicated to work at the office or brought home

• The location of a job; the amount of travel involved in fulfilling one’s duties

• Control over the work schedule

• Degree of commitment to a job versus the marriage

• Attitudes about roles at home and division of labor

Attitudes, beliefs, and communication play a significant role in resolving conflicts and other challenges that work-related stressors trigger. Sadly, it’s the lack of awareness of shifting attitudes and beliefs that can creep into a relationship and alter the mindset of the couple. A turning point can occur if you view the change in your degree of happiness as a signal that something has shifted and needs your attention. It may be minor and temporary, or serious, demanding immediate attention, and a long-term plan of action. Whatever it is—until you deal with it you can’t move on to satisfied or very satisfied—which is where every couple wants to be in their relationship.

Happiness has its price. What’s it worth to you?

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