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4 Tips For Handling Your Toughest Conversations

Ever found yourself circumventing a conversation you know you need to have with your partner? Or maybe you’ve rehearsed precisely what you want to say only to have it fall on deaf ears, or worse, defensive ears!

Every relationship encounters its share of tough issues. An unexpected change in circumstances, or feelings of dissatisfaction, or a desire for change, for example, may trigger an issue. How you view them depends on a number of factors including your stage of life and your ability to effectively manage the issues that arise in your relationship.

If you’ve ever felt frustrated, disappointed or otherwise dissatisfied with the way you and your partner tackle the tough issues that surface here are four powerful and proven ways to help you successfully work through your toughest issues.

1. Important issues demand mental, emotional, and physical energy.

The toughest issues can bring about greater closeness, unity, and personal and relationship growth—if handled well. So, make sure you have the energy mentally, emotionally, and physically before you decide to sit and talk over a concern. Ever started a discussion late in the evening only to call it quits sometime after midnight fatigued and no further along than when you began? Be wise and choose a time when you’re both reasonably rested and energized.

2. Important issues require a process.

If you’ve ever had a discussion go south in a short time because of escalating emotions you have first-hand experience of what makes a process so essential to handling tough issues effectively. Process is about how you talk. Make sure that the way you discuss issues of concern keeps you both engaged—positively motivated to continue talking and listening to each other.

3. Make managing yourself a high priority.

The failure to effectively handle self contributes dramatically to the deterioration of a discussion. Managing yourself in the interest of building understanding and collaboration takes focus and effort. Without this commitment you’re likely to fall into common bad habits like interrupting, blaming, listening selectively, lecturing, defending, etc.

4. Speak for yourself.

This is not the time to respond with “one thinks,” “some people appreciate that,” or “nobody would believe it” kinds of remarks. Being open, genuine, and forthright about your thoughts, expectations, or intentions keeps the communication clear and direct.

Here’s a bonus thought – many issues typically involve decision making at some level and/or resolving conflicts. So, whether viewed as positive or negative, issues effectively deliver a call to action in a relationship.

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