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When to Speak Up, When to Shut Up

Scenario One:

You’re in a meeting. Something serious is being discussed. The solution to the problem seems as plain as day to you, but your inner voice is saying, “Oh, don’t say that! That’s so obvious! You’ll sound ridiculous!”

So you sit silently, pondering the conundrum. Suddenly, somebody (usually a man) suggests an idea. It’s the exact suggestion that you thought of but didn’t say because you thought it was so obvious that it couldn’t be possible that no one had thought of it before you.

Suddenly, the room swells with excitement! People almost jump to their feet with joy as the dark cloud lifts! You could swear the rest of the room carries the fellow out on their shoulders, cheering and celebrating his genius!

Why do we filter ourselves when we have a good idea—especially when it seems so obvious?

Scenario Two:

You’re at lunch with your colleague who works in a different department. You have both worked for the same company for less than a year. While not close friends, the two of you are friendly and you feel assured that she respects your confidence—as do you hers. You’ve occasionally commiserated with each other about your respective bosses—as working people are apt to do.

Lately, you notice that her grumbling about her boss has morphed into full-fledged back-biting. Regardless of whether she’s right or not, you’re getting a little weary of the rancor. You’ve always respected her professionally. At the same time, you have started to notice that she does seem to claim that she is capable of doing anything that needs to be done—and doing a better job of it than anyone else. And she’s the only one in her department who does anything. Fortunately, you don’t feel inclined to compete with her but regardless, it’s starting to wear you down.

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