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What to Do About Emotional Pain at Home

Suffering is one of the most universal experiences we share as human beings. Yet, how we make sense of it and respond to it can be as different as we are. When my husband’s dad died three years ago the family in Puerto Rico openly grieved. People cried, embraced, and said special prayers along with other spiritual activities aimed at comforting and uniting the family. When my mother’s brother died as a result of an explosive collision with a six-wheeler on a Midwestern interstate our family grieved privately. There were comforting embraces and many long, thoughtful conversations and heartfelt memories.

But now, when my husband and I lost our firstborn child shortly after his birth, a first loss for us as newly-weds, preceding my father-in-law’s death by a minimum of 12 years, our grief was intense. We were totally unprepared for a loss of this magnitude.

We cried together and alone and often. We prayed together and alone…and a lot. We educated ourselves reading what we could on losing a child, coping, and recovering.

And although we had the support of our family, friends, and colleagues, we remained utterly alone with our sorrow—the emotional pain of our loss. After all, it was our loss. It was our child and our task of getting through it. There was no way around it. That’s truly the nature of suffering.

The only way out is through.

The cost of suffering for corporate America is estimated at around $300 billion annually. Staggering isn’t it? That’s the reality of the impact of bad marriages, family problems, and divorce—all major stressors in the lives of people and reasons many in the workplace are suffering. Everyone encounters and endures or has had to put up with undesirable, unpleasant and difficult circumstances that can bring about pain, deprivation, discomfort, relentless agony, or anguish. What do you do?

Mental Health America found in a recent survey that:

• 82% of us turn to distracting activities such as music, reading or television when feeling stressed or anxious

• 71% seek out the support of family and friends

• 62% engage in prayer or meditation

• 55% utilize exercise

• 42% of women eat to cope compared to 31% of men

• 30 percent of Native Americans and 28 percent of non-Hispanic Whites are more likely to smoke or do drugs

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