What Happened to Work-Life Balance?

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What Happened to Work-Life Balance?

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Featured Author:

Brittany E. Hudson

Brittany Hudson is a seasoned business professional living on the South Shore of Massachusetts with her husband, Greg and 18 month-old daughter, Carli. Brittany has become an advocate for working families in America and is working to create a strategic resource for working families to find balance in family and career life as well as political action for the rights of parents in the workplace. Brittany writes a weekly column about being a working mom.

Check out her blog, Career Parent.

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I had been greatly anticipating last week’s Detours and OnRamps Forum at Bentley College in Waltham, MA. This forum was to be the “meeting of the minds” on the topic of women returning to the workplace after taking a career break to care for their families. I couldn’t wait. There would be speakers, break-out sessions and rubbing elbows with local women in business. What could be better for someone so interested in working families’ issues?

Bright-eyed and somewhat bushy-tailed – I could have used more coffee and a printer that actually printed out my directions which ended up making me a little late – I practically ran into the Executive Dining Room at Bentley College. Bentley is a gorgeous, small school that’s known for business and financial studies.

The first up was keynote speaker Sheila Lirio Marcelo, founder and CEO of Care.com. They are a wonderful website that helps families find quality child and elder care. I listened intently to her story of how and why she started her company. She is a vibrant, tidy intellectual who knows how to deliver a motivational talk. I was entranced. I was thinking she was a lot like me, right up until she started talking about how many hours she works each day.

Twelve to 15 did she say? Wow, that is a lot of hours spent at the office. I checked my program: She did have children, right? I did some math. Factoring in my hellish commute and the hours my daughter spends sleeping, that would equate to zero hours spent with Carli during the week. That’s right: Zero.

I was thinking Sheila was the exception to the norm, but unfortunately I was wrong. Plenty of women who spoke that day were working long hours. Some had full-time nannies, or traveled very often. And by very often, I mean at least a week or two each month. Oh my stars!

Myself, I recently turned down two job opportunities because I was required to be traveling a minimum of five to seven times a quarter. What that really meant was five to seven times as long as nothing else came up. That would come to a grand total of seven to nine times a quarter. Were the salaries skyscraper high? You bet they were! I was just not willing to be away from my family that often no matter what they paid. To me, it just wasn’t worth it. My goal is to help employers get their heads around the idea of work-life balance and not accept “say good bye to your family.”

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smjk0629

2 months ago

9 comments

Well I only have to look at the structure of the office/company I work for to see that large companies (mine is the second largest nationally for providing therapy to special needs individuals, specifically children) are quite flexible with their staff. I work in a predominantly female field, by choice and for several reasons. One of the reasons was that I knew I would be able to hire staff into a company whose values I could believe in. Another reason was that I wanted a flexible schedule so that I could spend time with my child. I also happen to work in the lowest paying, but most rewarding field out there. I take pride in doing long days because I know the work I do effects the children that we work with in a positive way. There are companies out there that are flexible with their staff, especially their schedules and need for time with their own children. My company is 26,000 employees strong and still growing, 90% of us are women, so I know for a FACT that their are options out there if you look.
Maddie

2 months ago

44 comments

Well, God bless you, "dandelionpatch." It seems like you're doing more than your share by teaching young children. Thank you. I applaud you and your partner for making a decision that is a little contrary to popular thinking in our culture, i.e., the DECISION to not start a family. I think it takes a great deal of self-understanding, selflessness, and bravery to make that conscious choice. Seems like so many of us acquire a job, a car, a house, a dog. Ok--next we need to acquire a kid! Without thinking of the fact that we have brought a LIFE into this world who will need our time and attention. I'm so lucky that, as the breadwinner, my husband is willing and able to the lion's share of the child-rearing responsibilities for our one son. As for women leaders fostering a professional environment which allows for work/life balance for those who choose it, in my former job, it was not always possible to meet corporate demands within an 8 hour work day. I told my assistant, who was an hourly worker, to go home at the end of her 8 hours--always. But for those of us in "management," we simply were expected to get the work done in however long it took. My boss was terrific though because she also allowed us to take time off when we needed to if the work allowed it. So there was reciprocity and I felt fine about it. Additionally, she was terrific because she made sure we were adequately staffed with very competent and dedicated workers. One time, I went into her and said, "The work level is getting so that I cannot give these reports the thorough review that I am accustomed to giving them. So I can either lower my standards or I need some help." She responded without a beat, "Lower your standards." I felt that was an extremely honest and plausible solution to the problem and that's what I did! One other thing, as "management," we received annual bonuses based on our company's profitability. So we were compensated for our extra work.
dandelionpatch

2 months ago

2 comments

Sadly I have to agree with comments above. I want the work-life balance, but have never been able to find it. As a result I choose not to have kids. I would really love to, but I would feel like I was short changing them with my and my partner's schedules we would have an hour or two with them a day and they would really be raised by daycare. It's sad to have to make that choice and it is made harder by women who are in a different financial situation or have family that will watch their kids telling me that "It's okay, you're just not cut out to be a mother". I would be a fantastic mother. It's my commitment to being a mother and not just an incubator that keeps me from having kids. We need to stop beating each other up and work with our companies and society to make working and seeing our children a viable option for more women. As a teacher I see far more kids who are left on their own or with daycare than parents who are able to be with their kids. It makes all the difference in the world. Healthy, happy, well adjusted kids with people who they know care about them and know what's going on in their lives verses the lost kids who don't feel like they have anyone. My heart breaks for them. Their low self esteem, grades, and other problems make perfect sense when you meet with the parents who tell you that they never see their kid and don't know what is going on in their life. I know those parents are trying to provide for their children and love them every bit as much as the parents who are able to spend time with their kids, but the kids don't. The kids are hurt by it. It is a major factor in a child's emotional development.
BigMomma

2 months ago

32 comments

To reiterate my point of the article, which ironically is what I state in the paragraph below: I realize not everyone shares my thoughts on travel and hours worked. Here is my conundrum. Do these mothers-slash-leaders in business offer real work-life balance solutions at their businesses despite their own choice to take on back-breaking schedules? I hope so, I really hope so. Otherwise, we really aren’t offering much hope. It is up to us, gals, to make a better place in business for our daughters, should they choose to have children and also a career. I am convinced you can still do both. You can work whatever schedule you want to, travel as much as you want, etc. It is up to you. If you manage people, teams and even locations however, you are going to either need to be exceptionally open-minded that not everyone wants to work this way or should or you are going to see others' "committment to their work" through your own perspective on what it takes to successfully get a job done. This is the danger. We can't just think for ourselves and "just look out for number 1". There can't be any change for the good of all if everyone is meeting their own agenda.
ShannonPDX

2 months ago

20 comments

Yes, Lola! And just to clarify, while I am single I am not a parent. My point is that work-life balance may be an issue for women (and men) of all types in the workplace. Creating an environment that respects and values the time we spend away from our careers is (in my opinion) not just on the shoulders of working mothers. All of us can benefit from seeing the world away from work.
lolawriter

2 months ago

25 comments

I think we're forgetting what this article is trying to get us to discuss: Are women, in their roles as mothers and careerpeople, ever going to be able have both a stellar career and real quality family time? And there's a qualifier: It seems like this is more likely for women with a lot of money, but how about for us regular girls out there, who can't afford a nanny and the like?
Maddie

2 months ago

44 comments

My take on the "purpose" of the article is that the author wanted to generate discussion about work/life balance. Also, the author is stating her personal position on the subject: She's not willing to work 12-20 hours per day because it would require that she gives up more time with her daughter than she cares to give up. This is a tough dilemma. In my earlier posting, I proposed that our world allows us 2 out of 4 options. I'd like to point out that ShannonPDX, like many single mothers, has selected Option C and Option D. Smjk0629 has selected Option B and Option C. Insufficient data to determine if "SM" is trying to squeeze in Option A as well. If so, one of the options suffers--or SM suffers! As for men, who do not bear children, the desire to spend time with their children is more easily satisfied than it is with women. So Option B is not as strong a motive as it is for women. Perhaps if our race survives long enough, men might evolve to the point where they are internally motivated to have as much "daddy time" as most women are internally motivated to have "mommy time." Right now, my observation is that most married men choose Option C and Option D. Throw in a little sex and a weekend outing with the kids and they're satisfied. I'd also like to point out that while I am certain that SM is "incredibly smart about what (she) wanted," she also in enjoying incredible fortune available to only a small percentage of the US population. She can afford a private school. She has access to child care which allows her to travel on business. She has an employer who is flexible about family life--not every employer is as enlightened or as flexible as hers. I hope she appreciates it.
Sadiesmom

2 months ago

5 comments

I love this column for the simple reason that it truly addresses the issues working parents are dealing with everyday. Yes, it would be great to have one job with a great salary that started at 9 and ended at 5. But the reality is that this hardly happens anymore. The 40 hour work week has become a myth. Technology was supposed to make our lives easier... yet, once my daughter is asleep I'm checking my email to make sure I didn't miss a crisis at work. I even asked for flexibile hours, but my superiors said that if they allowed that for me, they have to allow that for everybody... and that apparently would create complete chaos in the workplace.
ShannonPDX

2 months ago

20 comments

One thing that stands out for me is the idea that work-life balance is purely a concern for the working mother. As a single person who manages other working women, some with children, I feel I have just as big of a right and responsibility to maintain and model a well-rounded approach to my career. I work hard when it's called for, and work on my life when it's not. I've noticed that when my own balance tips toward the workaholic end, my staff is reticent to ask for time off to take care of sick kids or just take a well-deserved break with their family. Balance is something we should all (parents or not) strive for, while respecting what that may mean for each individual.
smjk0629

2 months ago

9 comments

Like a commenter below, I totally do not understand what the article is supposed to accomplish. If any of these women choose to work 12-15 hrs per day that is up to them, only they know what will make them happy. I am a single mom, I work about 65-70 hours per week for my career, yet have plenty of time to spend with my soon to be 6 year old. I was simply smart about what I wanted, a flexible schedule at a company located near my home (3 miles away to be exact). I also planned for my daughter to go to a private school around the corner from work so that I didn't waste time on a commute. In my experience employers are quite flexible about your family life if you are willing to give them a little more time/effort in return (aka compromise, not demand). And honestly, I travel a bit for my job and part of me likes the time away "grown up time" that it affords me, whereas if I always worked locally I know I wouldn't take time out for myself, I would always spend it with my child (which is not always healthy either).
macnabm

2 months ago

13 comments

Well, i happen to agree with "MJ" and find it just sad that we think we have to choose., It's true. Men don't. Then again, we need to begin to create a world where these kinds of choices are not the only viable ones. I know men who have recently traded in huge salaries for 'daddy time' too! For those under 50, I have this to say "Decide where you want to be in a decade or so, but do what makes you happy NOW!" I did the 15-20 hour a day (no exaggeration) work week thing for a couple of decades. What it got me, when I moved into menopause, was a lot of stress-related health issues that most of us don't need or want! And now, what is there to show for all of that work and stress? Not fulfillment. Not 'money'. Not happiness. I found what makes me happy, but only through 'crashing'. Don't do it that way! It isn't worth it! Your body and your life will thank you for it!!! ;)
mjstar

2 months ago

1 comment

"to me, the first thing that comes to mind immediately is WHY is this always a question for women, and not men? no one asks working fathers if THEY can have the best of both worlds...it's ASSUMED that they do..work AND family..no matter how much they work. burns my hackles.. second..success depends upon your personal priorities. for me, personally, even WITHOUT a child, i do not want to work 12-15 hours a day. for me, that is not enjoyable OR fulfilling. for others, it is. whatever works for you. i'm confused as to what this article is really supposed to do..fuel more guilt for those who already have it regarding leaving their kids during the day? to make those who want to work feel better about doing it? i'm not sure. i say, FORGET what anyone else deems as successful or appropriate. DO WHAT WORKS BEST FOR YOU AND YOURS. PERIOD. if it's not working..try something else! it's that simple. make YOUR OWN happiness."
Maddie

2 months ago

44 comments

Like I said, in our world, you can chose two--no more than two--of the following: a. Have a fulfilling and mutually satisfying relationship with a spouse/life partner b. Be a conscientious, caring parent c. Have a solid career d. Be personally fulfilled Choose two--at most!